You see it was never easy for me,

Growing up with twice the problems any kid normally. 

And you see I can’t be held accountably,

But I’m shaping my future responsibly.

Undoubtedly, it hurt more than anything. 

To hear my parents fight in the middle of the night. 

They be screaming and tearing their throats out,

And I’d listen in through the vents, not understanding a word they talk about. 

My daddy got really angry at us

When we told him enough was enough.

We cut ties for a while cuz the lack of trust,

But eventually we came around to see each other through the rough.

So listen, I’m telling you, take my advice,

Believe, love, and internalize,

Never forget to look on the Brightside.

so I was in a cathedral and my boyfriend was trying to kill me. He was holding a gun and kept shooting at me. He missed every single time. And we physically fought, then I managed to steal the gun from him. I fired and realized it was empty. I held onto the gun though to scare him. I kept hitting him with the barrel of the gun. He soon also realized it was empty because otherwise I would have shot him already. So he handed me 4 bullets from his jacket pocket. I took them and loaded the gun. He stepped back and told me to shoot him. I held the gun up to his body but I couldn’t shoot. I froze and started crying, then I ran away. He chased after me and I handed the gun back to him. 

I don’t know what to make of this dream. Is it a nightmare because my boyfriend tried to kill me? Or is it one of those lovey-dovey, compassionate dreams because I couldn’t pull the trigger? …eh, whatever. Anyway, it’s Father’s Day. So I’m gonna get a bunch of phone calls from my mom to go wish my dad a happy Father’s Day. Still haven’t decided whether I should or not. 

spent Friday with babe. Had the best time. but…erggh! Saying goodbye was just the worst. We took one of those corny, photo booth pictures, but man, I cannot stop looking at them. I can’t help smiling at it. I’m gonna miss him like crazy. But it will only be a month. Hopefully, I don’t kill myself by then. When I get back i’m gonna have such a great time with Gabby, Anita, Robby, and Belle. 
Oh, and tomorrow is Father’s Day. I don’t know if I should approach my dad then. I might. I’m thinking about it. But gawd, it’s gonna be tough. If I don’t…it’ll just be awkward riding in a plane with him for how many ever hours until we get down there. 
High school is in the fall. I’m getting kinda nervous, but i’m really excited at the same time. I’m so glad i’m out of that God forsaken school. I’m gonna work my butt off down in Florida, earn a lot of money, &come back up to pay for all this new stuff i’ve been dying to get. I still have to do my laundry, clean my room, and pack. 
I’ll start tomorrow. 

ain’t she a beaut? (:

you wanna know why I wear a paper bag over my head around that says “fuck you” all the time? why i always have that stick up my ass, 24/7? why i barely have any friends? why i can’t really be bothered to care about anything? it’s because of all this teenage dramatic bull shit people swing around. i’m just exhausted. and that’s the thing. i’m tired of gaining or losing friends. i’m tired of peoples’ feelings getting hurt. i’m tired of being judged. i’m tired of broken promise. i’m tired of dirty looks and fake attitudes. just fuck your feelings. fuck your judgment. how bout you just fuck yourself, while you’re at it?